Into the Drape, but the Drape Just Isn't That Into You

We here at The Cauldron are big Mortuary Drape fans, in fact, both of us were planning on seeing them during their U.S. dates in December. So imagine our surprise when the Drape cancelled the whole shebang in this post on their official website.


We were looking forward to some bright-colored robes, capes, and ritual candles, but now all we have is a drape-less mortuary with too much natural light.


To help us express and understand our anger and frustration, we've decided to think of ten possible (though unlikely) reasons behind the cancellation:

1. Pseudonyms are great for black metal, not so much for work visas.

2. Concerns about anti-robe policies at American venues.

3. Too depressed following Silvio Burlusconi's resignation.

4. Unable to find a tour van with adequate purple velvet interiors.

5. Without Name is Without Job.

6. Failure of "Mortuary Grape" - the breakfast cereal tie-in to promote the U.S. tour.

7. Seeker of the Unknown has not returned from seeking the unknown.

8. Inability to find unscented candles for rituals.

9. Just got Skyrim.

10. Cruel Abbot just formed a comedy duo with Cruel Costello.

*Note: I'm not sure if any of those guys are still in MD, but with a name like "Without Name" how are we supposed to find out where he is nowadays?

"Get me my pendulum, kids, I feel like swingin'."

From Vincent's Fall '66 evening-wear collection

Today we celebrate the career Vincent Price. Without a doubt one of the horror genre's most prolific actors as well as one of its most enduring, sophisticated, and -dare we say it- sexy icons. We have no doubt he is not truly dead but waiting in the wings to exact a horrible Dr. Phibesesque vengeance upon his detractors.

The Cauldron Changes Your Life in Four Steps

We here at The Cauldron love Angel Witch and you should too (if you don't already.) But for the sake of easing the transition between a worthless, boring life, and one which centers around the life-changing powers of forgotten British heavy metal, we have a helpful guide.

This short guide will help with one of the toughest barriers when entering into the cult of Angel Witch: how to identify an Angel Witch. A recent study found that 100% of those people not listening to Angel Witch do not even know what an Angel Witch is, much less how to spot one. This number is even shockingly high amongst initiates. We're here to help with a four-step program, none of which involve giving up the booze or finding God - we prize efficiency.

Step 1: Find a mirror.

Step2: Look in the mirror.

Step 3: You're an Angel Witch.

Step 4: You're an Angel Witch.

You may be asking yourself: "What if I'm not an Angel Witch?" That's simple, you are wrong and in fact, still an Angel Witch.

Hope we've cleared things up!

Revealed At Last: The Shocking Secret Origin of The Cauldron

The Cauldron likes long walks on the beach, Angel Witch, Vincent Price, and long walks on the beach with Vincent Price.

The Cauldron doesn't like Pagans who snatch up cauldron-related urls, Celtic Frost's Cold Lake, and fun.